How to stop hiding feelings

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People may hide their feelings as part of their defense or coping mechanisms.

Defense mechanisms are ways for people’s minds to cope with feelings or stress. They are unconscious processes. People generally do not know their minds are using them.

One defense mechanism that reacts to uncomfortable feelings is avoidance. It may make an individual dismiss or hide negative feelings. It may also make an individual avoid people, places, or situations associated with uncomfortable feelings.

Coping mechanisms are ways people manage unpleasant or painful emotions. They are conscious patterns of behavior and thoughts. Unlike with defense mechanisms, people know they are using coping mechanisms to manage stressful situations or feelings.

One coping mechanism is emotional suppression. Emotional suppression is when a person hides or avoids feelings on purpose.

People may consciously hide their feelings for several reasons, including the following.

To avoid showing weakness

People may hide feelings to avoid showing weakness or vulnerability to others. Some people may believe that showing negative emotions can lead to others seeing them as weak.

To avoid being hurt

People may hide feelings to avoid interpersonal conflict or conflict with partners in relationships. People may not express emotions due to the belief that it will help to maintain a stable relationship, 2022 research suggests.

Lack of confidence

People may hide feelings if they do not feel safe expressing their opinions and feelings. They may also do so if they lack confidence in them.

Hiding or ignoring emotions can cause people negative mental or physical health effects.

In one 2016 study, researchers analyzed historical studies of hiding emotions. They found that hiding negative emotions could increase a person’s risk of:

• stress
• depression over time

Older research from 1996 suggests that if a person hides their feelings for negative emotions, they:

• will not have relief from the experience of those emotions
• are unlikely to feel better

Emotional buildup

Researchers believe hiding feelings can make a person’s emotions more intense.

The authors of a 2019 article summarized research into hiding emotions. They noted that suppressing emotional responses to feelings could make them more severe or intense.

However, their findings were based on historical science and research. They also noted that not all experts agreed.

Disrupted communication

People who suppress their emotions may find it harder to effectively communicate with others through speaking. Emotional suppression can make a person more disfluent when speaking or have breaks or disruptions in their speech.

Strain on relationships

Researchers who studied emotional suppression in relationships found that it can interfere with a relationship’s:

• coordination
• cooperation
• connection

These factors can put a strain on people’s abilities to manage a healthy relationship. The researchers found that this was true for people who suppressed emotions or if their partner did.

Other research studied emotional suppression in people who were married. This research found different people had different needs in marriage. Because of this, emotional suppression may bring either benefits or harm.

Early death

Hiding feelings or suppressing emotions may shorten a person’s life. A 2013 study looked at medical data for 729 people over 12 years. The data included information on emotional suppression and how some people had fatal conditions.

After analyzing the data, the researchers concluded that suppressing emotions may shorten a person’s life from various causes, including cancer. However, the researchers note that this data is not conclusive and more studies need to be done in diverse populations.

Read about emotional health and well-being.

Expressing emotions and feelings can be important for a person’s:

• physical health
• mental health
• general well-being

People can use various methods to help them manage and express feelings.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of focusing awareness on the present moment and current surroundings. It can help people avoid negative or automatic habits and responses.

Using mindfulness, a person learns to observe their thoughts, emotions, and other present experiences without judgment or reaction. Several therapies include mindfulness, such as:

• cognitive behavioral therapy
• stress reduction
• meditation

These therapies may help a person stop hiding their feelings. In a 2019 study, researchers found that practicing mindfulness for 15 minutes per day, 7 days per week, helped people:

• improve how they processed emotions, including:
  • the intensity of their emotions
  • remembering emotions
• avoid emotional attention bias, or focusing on negative emotions more than positive ones

Share feelings honestly

Explaining openly and honestly how a person’s feelings are affecting their life may help others in their life to understand. People may be able to honestly confide their thoughts and feelings with a family member or trusted friend.

Talk about feelings

People may be more comfortable talking with friends and family first rather than professionals. People closest to a person can be a valuable source of support.

An individual may find that over time they find it difficult to overcome the habit and pattern of hiding feelings.

A mental health professional may be able to help a person uncover the reasons they hide their emotions. They can also give advice and suggest ways for individuals to handle their emotions, express them, and find healthy communication and conflict-resolution skills.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) also provides a webpage outlining resources to help people with their emotions.

People may hide their feelings for various reasons. There can be negative mental and physical health results from hiding feelings over time.

However, people can stop hiding their feelings through various methods. Mental health professionals can also help people avoid suppressing emotions and feelings.